“I placed ads in different sites such as Al-usrah.net, muslim-match.com, http://www.islam.tc/main.php, http://www.americansingles.com/ and http://www.onlinearabia.net/ and recently Arab Marriage Connection,” says Hessan.

Last year he met a Cuban convert to Islam and almost got married, however, the two realized they were too incompatible. He also corresponded with a Palestinian girl whom he thought was a potential match but location issues proved to be a problem. Though Hessan has received many responses to his ad, he hasn’t been happy with the results.

“I’ve been rejected by almost 40 Arab girls because they think I am too old at age 39, plus they are looking for somebody richer with a better career, higher college degrees and a lot of wealth.”

Despite his experience so far, he continues to use the matrimonial sites in hopes of one day finding a suitable match.

Forty-year-old Jennifer* an American of Arab-Asian decent recently placed an ad on Al-usrah.net. Jennifer, who embraced Islam this year, says she likes matrimonial sites because they are more convenient and make it is easier to find a man who is her age with the same religious beliefs.

“The benefit is that you can exchange interests, ideas, and photos on-line globally without having to travel around the world. You can also screen for men your own age, background, etc. The disadvantage is that you may suffer from a long distance e-mail relationship that will not result in marriage,” she says.

Jennifer believes it is harder to find a marriage partner when you are older and living in a non-Muslim country. The responses to her ad, however, have been good and she remains optimistic.

“The response from Al-usrah.net has been very positive and all of the members have been very polite. The respondents seem to be good Muslims, educated, family-oriented, and marriage-minded.”

'The benefit is that you can exchange interests, ideas, and photos on-line globally without having to travel around the world'

Finding a marriage partner, whatever route one pursues, takes time and patience. Just ask 28-year-old Tariq Ahmed, a senior web engineer from Silicon Valley in Palo Alto, California. Ahmed, who is the son of a Pakistani father and an Austrian mother who converted to Islam, says he took advantage of every means possible to find a bride. From dressing his best for “appearances” at weddings and cultural events to relying on family and friends, Ahmed did it all.

“I started off using the traditional route like parents and aunts trying to hook me up, and I met a few girls that way. But nothing was panning out. I started using friends to get me in touch with potentials. That proved to work a bit better,” he says. “But the process was too slow and there were too many middlemen so I needed more control over the situation. So I decided to try using the net.”

In May 1998 he placed an ad on Muslim Matrimonial Link http://www.matrimonials.com/, a 5-year-old site run by 4You Net Services Inc. of Lakewood, Ohio. They charge a $30 membership fee to post a six-month ad that can be customized with graphics and HTML. Ahmed took full advantage of this option and made his add “really snazzy” to stand out among all the others. He added pictures of himself from age 3 months old and up, a picture of his cat and other things to attract attention to his ad.

“Because of that I got a huge amount of responses. In my ad I went so far as to make fun of cultural traditions by adding ridiculous things to my "bio" like the number of teeth I have, how large my lungs are, etc.”

In fact he got over 400 email responses from around the world and amazingly answered every single one. He even drove out to meet 17 different girls across North America, though none proved to be the one. Ahmed became discouraged but continued to correspond with one girl who emailed him in April 1998. Her name was Juliana Gidwani, a half Indian and half Indonesian girl living all the way in Singapore.

“We corresponded casually for months. I thought that she was amazing. But I thought certain people were great matches before, and when I meet them that isn't the case. So the fact that she was on the other side of the planet made it difficult to justify the resources required to meet her.”

As months passed, Ahmed and Gidwani communicated more frequently and more seriously online. Ahmed saw her picture and thought she was attractive and in time the two got to know one another really well. They decided it was time to meet in person, though Ahmed had his reservations.

“Inside I felt she could be the one, but just from past experiences I was worried about getting my hopes up and then taking a hard fall if it doesn't work out.”

Ahmed took a chance and flew to Singapore to meet Gidwani. The trip would prove successful. “The second we saw each other in the airport we knew it was real. And I knew she was the one.”

Ahmed asked for her hand two days after meeting her. They were married three months later in a three-day ceremony in Singapore on September 24, 1999. The couple now makes their home in northern California.

“Life gives you windows of opportunity, and those windows are open for only a limited time. If you want to find that one person that you can't wait to come home to, you have to be willing to do what it takes. ‘Carpe Diem’ as they say. Seize the day.”

* Name has been changed
Arabia on Line ©

© April 2001 arabia online Ltd.